How to recognise the Toxic Tactics of Gaslighting, Microaggression, and Passive Aggression in the workplace - ep 120

PCWN - 120

[00:00:00] Julie South: Gaslighting, microaggressions and passive aggressive behavior. Create toxic relationships at home and at work. If you or someone you know wonders whether you're going a bit crazy or you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around certain people, then today is. Today we look at some gaslighting, microaggression, and passive aggressive warning signs and what to do about them so you can protect yourself and others by recognizing these toxic tactics for what they really are.

[00:00:42] You are listening to Paws Claws and Wet Noses. The Vet podcast celebrating all creatures great and small, and they're fantabulous professionals who look after them all. Paws Claws Wet Noses is powered by VetStaff New Zealand's number one specialist recruitment agency that helps veterinary professionals find jobs and clinics where they're excited about going to work on Monday mornings.

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Welcome to episode 120. I am your show host Julie South 

Gaslighting, microaggressions and passive aggressive behaviours are toxic tactics and forms of communication that can be harmful and have negative consequences At. and at work today we're going to look at each of these individually, starting with microaggressions.

[00:01:39] These are brief and commonplace, daily, verbal behavioural or environmental indignities. They're intentional and or. Unintentional. They communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial, slight and other minority groups and insults to the target [00:02:00] person or group. They often stem from unconscious biases and can have a cumulative negative impact on the wellbeing of those who experience.

[00:02:10] I've talked about unconscious cognitive biases quite a bit lately, so check out episodes numbers 1 1 4 through to 1 1 7 when repeated. Over time, microaggressions can create a hostile and intimidating environment, which can be considered bullying. Passive aggression or passive aggressive refers to behaviour that's indirectly aggressive rather than directly or openly confrontational.

[00:02:40] It's a way of expressing anger or frustration in an indirect manner. For example, it could be through pre procrastination, forgetfulness, or intentional in ef. . Passive aggressive behaviour is a way of indirectly communicating negative feelings [00:03:00] without being overt. It's a mental and psychological form of aggression rather than physical.

[00:03:07] However, it's just as damaging as overt and physical aggression. This behavior can be hurtful and damaging to others, and can also contribute to a hostile work or social environ. Again, it's another form of bullying. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to so of doubt in someone else or in members of a targeted group.

[00:03:36] Gaslighting makes in question their own memory perception or San. . The goal of gaslighting is to gain power and control over the individual or group and make them dependent on the gaslight for their understanding of reality. When used repeatedly and systematically, gaslighting can be also considered a form of bullying.[00:04:00] 

[00:04:00] It's important to note that while these concepts are related, they're distinct and they're referred to different types of behaviour. , microaggressions, passive aggression and gaslighting are still all forms of bullying. Individually and collectively, they can contribute to hostile and very unhealthy social and clinic environments.

[00:04:24] If these behaviours are left unchecked in the workplace, the recipient, and I don't like using the term victim, so I'll use the term recipient or target, they usually end up leaving the workplace, and that's expensive. Now, although each is different in terms of the intent, the impact they have on others is still hurtful and damaging.

[00:04:48] You might not have heard of the term microaggression. I hadn't until I started doing the research for this show, which was originally going to be solely on passive aggressive [00:05:00] behaviour in the workplace and how it can lead to team dysfunction, if not dealt. And now we have microaggression and gaslighting in the mix.

[00:05:09] So microaggressions are subtle, everyday remarks, actions, or attitudes that communicate hostile, derogatory on negative, slight, and insults to people based on their membership in a marginalized group, they can have a significant impact on the recipient's mental health, job satisfaction, and overall well.

[00:05:34] The term microaggression was first coined by psychiatrist and psychologist Dr. Chester m Pierce, back in the 1970s in a seminal article published in the Journal Educational Resources Information Center.  Dr. Pierce defined microaggressions as. Brief and commonplace daily verbal behavioural or environmental [00:06:00] indignities, whether intentional or unintentional that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial, gender, sexual orientation, and religious slights and insults to the target person or.

[00:06:15] Since then, the concept of microaggression has been widely studied and discussed within the fields of psychology and sociology. Researchers have documented the widespread impact that microaggressions can have on individuals and communities, particularly members of marginalized groups who experience these microaggressions every.

[00:06:39] One notable example of the impact of microaggressions was a study conducted by psychologist Dr. Dar, that's spelled d e r a l d, Dar Wing Sue. He's a professor of counseling psychology at Columbia and his colleagues. They published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology. [00:07:00] The study found that microaggressions can cause emotional distress, increase stress levels as if we don't already have enough today, and decreased academic performance in individuals who experience them.

[00:07:13] It's important to note that microaggressions can take many forms, many different forms, ranging from seemingly innocent comments or action to more overt expressions of prejudice and discrimination. Some common examples of microaggressions include making assumptions about a person's ability based on their race or gender, using a stereotypical language or slurs and making assumptions about a person's cultural background or experiences.

[00:07:45] In recent years, the concept of microaggression has gained increased attention and recognition, particularly in discussions around diversity, equity, and inclusion. And I've been talking a bit about those recently [00:08:00] because microaggressions can be unintentional and often go unnoticed by the person committing them.

[00:08:06] It doesn't mean they're any less hurtful or harmful to the person on the receiving. For example, a well-intentioned statement, like for example, you're so articulate for a blah, blah, blah type of person could be experienced as a microaggression because it implies that the blah, blah, blah person, or people aren't usually articulate, which is a stereotype, and stereotyping implies prejudice, which then leads to cognitive and unconscious biases.

[00:08:40] Microaggressive behaviours can take the forms of remarks, jokes, or gestures that are harmful, but often go, as I said before, unnoticed by the person committing them, for example, making assumptions about a person's cultural background based on their appearance. Okay. [00:09:00] Using stereotypes to describe a person's behaviour or abilities, for example, that could be, don't feel bad if you don't understand tech because you're a baby boomer.

[00:09:09] That could be considered a microaggressive statement. Telling someone they're too sensitive when they express being hurt by comment, asking a person of colour or other nationality where they're. As if their nationality is the most interesting thing about. refusing to use a person's personal pronouns. I talked about this a couple of episodes ago, assuming a woman's not competent because she's young or attractive, and the flip side of that is assuming a man who's built like a bodybuilder isn't competent because he's all born and no.

[00:09:51] Belittling a person's accomplishments by attributing them to luck or affirmative action. Failing to acknowledge the contributions of a [00:10:00] person of a nationality, size, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or any other label possible in a group setting. In telling an LGBTQ plus person that their sexual orientation or gender identity is just a phase, assuming someone with a disability can't perform a task without assistance.

[00:10:25] Now, if you've seen any of this type of behaviour at your clinic or you are the recipient of it, here are five ways you can start dealing with it. The first one is to speak up and a assertively address the behaviour. The thing with bullies, and actually because microaggressions can be unintentional, but the thing with bullies is that they hate being stood up to and or called out on their behaviour.

[00:10:51] Therefore, one of the most effective ways to deal with microaggressions is to directly address the behaviour as soon as it occurs. [00:11:00] As scary as it will feel, the best way is to deal with it in a. Assertive and professional manner. It's important to communicate your feelings and explain why the behaviour is inappropriate, and unacceptable.

[00:11:15] If you are unsure how to do this, then you can use this fill in the gaps um, framework, which is when I, I feel, because, so when I see notice here, whatever it is I feel or get or it's whatever it was because, That's how you're feeling. This is different to the when you, I feel, because framework you might have heard before in that it takes the accusation away from the perpetrator when you're not outright accusing them of anything.

[00:11:48] You're saying how it is for you, which is far more powerful. So here it is again. When I see notice here, fill in the gap, I feel I get, or it fill [00:12:00] in the gap because, The second thing to do is to keep a record of the incidents, to keep a diary. If it's too scary to speak up in the moment for whatever reason, maybe it's not possible because you'll end up being shot down.

[00:12:15] Then start keeping a record of the microaggressive behaviors this conserve later if you need it, is documentation of the behav. a diary of events is, is useful if the situation escalates and requires intervention from HR or some other management. The third thing to do is seek support from colleagues, friends, or a support group.

[00:12:40] Dealing with microaggressions can be isolating, so it's essential to seek support from your colleagues, your friends, or another support group. If you feel like you don't have anyone who will understand, then in New Zealand, you can dial or text 1 7 37. It's a 24 7 [00:13:00] support line. Available by voice or text.

[00:13:04] Talking to others who've experienced similar situations can help provide a sense of validation and help you feel that you're less alone. . The fourth thing you can do is seek help from your practice or your HR manager. If you've called the perpetrator out and they're still continuing, it might be necessary to seek help from your practice or your HR manager or somebody else in your clinic.

[00:13:31] Maybe the head vet, the lead vet, or the head nurse. Hopefully your clinic has policies and procedures for such events. It's important you report the behaviour and the incidences so that it's taken seriously and addressed appropriately. Who knows, you might not be the only one experiencing the behaviour.

[00:13:52] Your speaking up could save someone who doesn't have your level of courage or who's maybe just maybe [00:14:00] not being taken seriously. There's strength in numbers. and very importantly, take care of yourself as well as some or all of the other four actions. It's critical you prioritize self-care and address the impact the microaggressive behaviour is having on your mental health.

[00:14:21] This can include practicing mindfulness, engaging in self-care activities, finding your happy place, whatever that is, or seeking counseling or therapy. Remember to then own self. Be true. Look after yourself first. Apart from the fact it's important that we all look after ourselves. If you're a parent and your mental health is being compromised at work, then your family is missing out on the best.

[00:14:50] Similarity, those you are in relationships with, romantic or not, it means that you are depriving [00:15:00] them of the best experience of you as well. So look after yourself, please. Now onto passive aggressive or passive aggression. And this behavior refers to the non-verbal and indirect way of expressing anger or frustra.

[00:15:20] It can take the form of subtle snubs, procrastination or making excuses. For example, a colleague who says they'll complete a task but has no intention of following through, can be seen as passive aggressive. or maybe they're just incompetent. And in saying that, it's important to note that perpetrators of microaggression, gaslighting, and passive aggressive behaviour usually use many forms of their bullying behaviour to get their message across.

[00:15:50] So any one of these behaviours I mention in this episode in isolation does not a bully. Back to a passive aggressives. They [00:16:00] might organise meetings that preclude the part-timers, for example, on your team participating, making sarcastic comments about someone's work in front of others, complimenting someone insincerely to make them feel bad, deliberately being vague or unresponsive to someone's requests.

[00:16:21] Using humour to hide hostile feelings or intentions. Giving someone the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, instead of addressing a conflict directly. Withholding information or resources that someone needs to do their job, or only giving them partial information or giving them information that sends them in the wrong direction for more, where they'll end up being ridiculed or fail and air quotes fail.

[00:16:49] I don't like that using that word because they've missed a deadline or something worse. Maybe a patient was severely com. They might make [00:17:00] critical or negative comments disguised as a joke, or they might blame others for their own mistakes or shortcomings. Those are always, and there's more. There's lots more that passive aggressive behaviour can play out in your clinic or at home.

[00:17:17] Unlike microaggressive, passive aggressive behaviour is often deliberate and it's motivated by a desire to express bullying, frustration, or anger. Indirectly, it's important to recognize microaggressions, passive aggressive behaviour and gaslighting in your clinic, as they all have negative impacts on clinic culture and employee morale.

[00:17:45] Passive aggressive behaviour damages, clinic relationships, and negatively impacts productivity. How? Because it creates hostile clinic environments and fosters resentment among colleagues [00:18:00] and gaslighting. This is the form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group that makes them question their own memory, their perception or sanity.

[00:18:20] In the workplace, gaslighting take many forms and it can have severe consequences on the mental and emotional wellbeing of the victims. The term Gaslight actually originated from the 1938 play Gaslight, and that was also known as Angel Street in the us. The play and later the films featured a husband who attempts to drive his wife insane by manipulating small elements of their environment such as the gas lights in their home, and then denies that these events are taking place when his wife points them out.[00:19:00] 

[00:19:01] Nasty man. Gas lighting is used to describe this type of manipulative behavior in which a person makes another person question their own memory, their own perception, or their own sanity. It's since been expanded to describe similar behavior in a broader sense, not just within romantic relationships. And since about 2017, gaslighting has gained wider usage, particularly in the wake of the Me Too movement, which started back, believe it or not, in 2006 on my.

[00:19:40] Who remembers MySpace? I was actually never a user of MySpace anyway. Also, with the increasing visibility of psychological abuse and relationships, gaslighting is becoming part of our regular lexicon. Here are five examples of how gaslighting might play out in your. [00:20:00] minimizing or denying the impact of their behaviour.

[00:20:05] A gaslight in the workplace might play down the impact of their actions or deny that it ever happened. For example, someone with authority, perhaps a lead vet, a head nurse, or a practice manager might dismiss a vets or a nurse's concerns about a microaggression as being not a big deal or denying that it even occur.

[00:20:28] This type of gaslighting can make the recipient feel like their experiences and or their emotions are invalid, which in turn can start leading to a loss of confidence of self-confidence. . How about blaming the recipient? The target. Another common form of gaslighting is when the perpetrator blames the recipient, the gaslight might deflect responsibility of their behaviour onto the recipient, suggesting that they are the ones [00:21:00] who are overreacting or causing problems.

[00:21:03] This can lead to a sense of confusion and frustration in the recipient who's left feeling like they're at. And they start to doubt themselves. Another example is where the perpetrator, the gas lighter, creates false narratives to undermine the recipient's perspective. For example, they might spread false information about the target's performance or behaviour to make them look bad or discredit their claims.

[00:21:35] Obviously this can have severe consequences for the recipient's reputation and the target's Career prospects. They could manipulate information. Gas lighters, like to cast doubt on the recipient's perceptions. They might twist the facts or present information out of context to make the recipient question their own memory or [00:22:00] understanding of event.

[00:22:01] And this can lead again to confusion and uncertainty in the recipient. They might, a gaslight might isolate the recipient or the target. They deliberately isolate them from their colleagues and or resources to further undermine their perspective and make them more vulnerable to manipulation. And this could take the form of excluding the target from meetings or emails, or even discouraging others.

[00:22:31] This is when it's really bad of making it impossible for others to support the target or the recipient. So for example, they could create organized meetings where a part-timer, for example, might not be able to attend, or they're accidentally, deliberately. , don't include them on an email. This can lead. As you can imagine, a sense of alienation and vulnerability in the recipient.[00:23:00] 

[00:23:00] As you can see, being the target of a bully's gaslighting behaviour can do a real number on your head. Your mental and emotional health will be severely compromised. Targets of gaslighting could experience anxiety depress. Low self-esteem and a huge loss of trust in others to protect yourself and others from gas lighters.

[00:23:24] It's important to be aware of these toxic tactics that they use and to have strong support networks in place. If you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit in the workplace or at home, it's important to speak out and seek support at work. Start with talking to your practice or your HR manager.

[00:23:50] So that's a quick overview on gaslighting, micro aggressions and passive aggressions. [00:24:00] In the workplace. I hope that you found this interesting and some of the, the steps around the steps through helpful. Remember, If you would like some unconscious bias training for your team, it doesn't have to be just for those who are doing job interviews, unconscious biases, kick in where people interact with others.

[00:24:24] Please get in touch because this is something we can help you with. If you enjoyed this podcast, please hit that follow button. It's free and would love it if you gave it a five star review wherever you're listening to it right now. Because it makes a huge difference to helping the search algorithms serve it up for others to listen to.

[00:24:50] Thank you heaps. This is Julie South signing off and inviting you to go out there and be the most fantabulous version of [00:25:00] you. You can be

[00:25:05] God bless, Paws Claws and Wet Noses is sponsored by Vet Staff. If you've never heard of Vet Staff, it's New Zealand's only full service recruitment agency, 100% dedicated to the veterinary sector. Vet staff has been around since 2015 and works nationwide from Cape Reinga to the Bluff and everywhere in between, as well as helping Kiwis VetStaff also helps overseas qualified veterinarians find work in Aotearoa New Zealand Vet staff.co.nz.